suicide hotline
Death’s Time of Year
They’re all smiling, haven just come down the stairs from snorting a couple lines of coke. I sit at my computer terminal, in the down stairs with the dying. I don’t know who I’m more envious of...my grandparents who are on their way out, or the drug addicts fo r lacking the conscious to give a fuck about anything but getting high. I decide to take a little advice from both...if I’m dying, slow enough for death to not be an eminant threat, and am in a situation where I’m forced to deal with things I don’t want to...it’s time to stop giving a fuck about anything other than myself.
Now there is nothing in this world I hate more than a selfish-prick, but once and awhile...you’ve got to become a selfish-prick in the name of self preservation. So with that said, I’m running away from “home”. I’m leaving this place and these people for good. They’ve put enough damage on my mind and as my father says, “they’ve taken enough McMillen blood”. It’s not my place to act the part of nurse maid while a gaggle of complacent non-working fucks sit around in the back yard smoking crack and drinking Milwakee’s Ice Best. With that said, fuck em. Fuck em all. My grandma’s mind is gone, s he’ll forget I was ever here in the first place...and it’s not like she didn’t always call me fat and humiliate me whenever it was humanly possible in the first place. And my Uncle with the throat cancer...he wouldn’t of sat here and took care of my ass if it was me.
Next week, when I get paid, I’m taking my whole check and buying a one way ticket back to San Francisco...which is sort of funny because everyone knows but the people in my family...and I have no intentions of telling them I’m leaving. So, near the end of April I will hearby emancipate myself from this life...and engage in a new phase of my life.
“But didn’t you hate San Francisco”?
Not at all. What I hate about San Francisco is what I hate about people...the every day fashion parade...the superficiousness that pervades every day life. It’s something I’m going to encounter anywhere else I go. Oh yeah, and its expensive as fuck and a guy I use to fuck lives there...but like I said...that’s trivial. It reminds me a lot of my time in college...fun but worthless...and right now I’m all about having fun.
Time to put my foot down and live for myself, by myself (as much as possible) and etc. I’m done...I’m not taking anymore shit from anyone for any fucking reason.
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AnnieM